1. Distinguishing emotion, thought and physical sensation
Several kinds of experience can overlap in the same situation. Here are three possible starting points for observing them.
Thoughts, physical sensations and behaviours can each offer clues that help you describe your experience, without determining the right word on their own. The words may come immediately, appear later or remain imprecise for now.
An emotion is what you experience on an emotional level: sadness, joy, fear or anger. More than one emotion can be present at the same time. You might feel happy about a change and worried about what it will involve.
A thought or interpretation is an idea, explanation or conclusion that comes to mind: “I’m going to disappoint everyone,” or “They don’t respect my time.” It may be accurate, partial or uncertain. Distinguishing it from an emotion helps you look at what you know and what you are assuming.
A physical sensation is something you notice in your body: a tight jaw, warmth in your face or tension in your shoulders. The body can provide clues, but one sensation does not automatically correspond to one specific emotion.
Saying “I feel rejected” expresses a real experience that deserves to be taken seriously. The word “rejected” may also bring together two elements: what you understand about the situation — “I feel as though I do not belong” — and the emotions that come with it, such as sadness, loneliness or disappointment. Separating these elements is not about correcting how you speak. It can help you better understand what is happening within you.
2. Using an emotion wheel as a reference
The Emotion Word Finder brings together words that may help you describe what you are feeling more precisely. It is designed as a reference for broadening your vocabulary and exploring what is happening within you. No tool can cover every way a person might experience or name an emotion.
For your own exploration, start simply:
- Identify a broad family using its name and colour. Begin with the area that comes closest to your experience: calm and safety; joy, connection and energy; surprise; fear and alertness; anger and frustration; aversion and discomfort; self-consciousness, shame and regret; or sadness and loss.
- Explore the petals in that family. Then look for a more precise shade of meaning, such as “disappointed,” “irritated,” “worried” or “enthusiastic.”
- Describe intensity separately. Does the emotion feel mild, clearly present or very strong for you today?
You may keep two words, add one that is missing or stop at “I don’t know yet.” Nuance and intensity are not the same thing: two neighbouring words do not necessarily represent two degrees of the same emotion. Colour helps identify a broad family; it does not indicate the intensity or value of what you feel.
In this exercise, the wheel is a reference. It does not provide a score, a diagnosis or proof of what another person feels. It does not decide how you should respond.
3. Exploring the needs present in the situation
Once you have considered one or more emotions, you might ask yourself: “What matters to me in this situation? What is missing, or what do I appreciate?”
Paying attention to what you feel and what matters to you can help you understand your experience and relate to others with greater clarity. This exploration does not produce an automatic answer: the same emotion may be connected with different needs depending on the person, their history and the situation.
You might explore a need for rest, safety, clarity, belonging or recognition. There is no automatic translation, however: anger does not always mean a lack of respect, and sadness does not point to one single need. Your history, relationships and context also matter.
The Putting Words to Your Experience toolkit brings together a needs map, the wheel and a reflection worksheet to support this exploration.
A need is also different from one particular solution. “I need support” may open up several possibilities. “I need my sister to call me every evening” already identifies one specific way of receiving that support. Other arrangements may sometimes respond to the same need.
This reflection does not make an unfair situation acceptable. It does not erase another person’s actions or material constraints. An overloaded schedule, limited resources or significant family responsibilities may require concrete changes that go beyond finding the right words.
4. Trying a method with a real-life situation
Choose a recent event that feels manageable enough to revisit. You can write down a few words, speak out loud or simply reflect on the following steps:
- Describe the situation. What happened in concrete terms? When did it happen?
- Separate the clues. What thoughts come to mind? What do you notice in your body, if that feels comfortable?
- Try an emotion word. Start with a broad family, then look for a nuance. Note the intensity as well.
- Explore a possible need. What matters to you here? Treat your answer as a possibility rather than a certainty.
- Choose a realistic next step. Do you need rest, information, a conversation, a boundary or outside support?
You can stop at any point. If the exercise increases your distress or leads you to replay the scene over and over, set it aside for later. You do not have to continue an exploration on your own when it becomes too difficult.
A completely fictional example
Samira learns that dinner with a friend has been cancelled that same day. She thinks, “I don’t matter to her,” notices tension in her shoulders and feels like replying sharply.
As she looks through a few words, she recognizes disappointment and irritation, both quite strong. She then asks herself what makes the cancellation difficult. She had set aside the evening and had been looking forward to spending time together after a week she had spent mostly alone.
Samira therefore explores two possible needs: presence and predictability. She does not yet know why her friend cancelled. She could ask whether her friend would like to suggest another date, then choose an activity for the evening. She could also wait until she feels more available before replying.
The exercise does not prove anything about her friend’s intentions and does not guarantee an agreement. It gives Samira a few reference points for choosing her next action. This situation is fictional and does not reflect any client’s experience.
When you later want to express what you have understood, take a moment to distinguish what you observed, what you feel and what you would like to ask for.
5. Recognizing when to seek support
You can seek support even if you cannot name exactly what you are feeling. According to Santé Québec, you do not need a diagnosis to ask for help. Distress that persists, intensifies or disrupts sleep, work and relationships deserves attention.
Support can provide space to explore your experience while considering your environment, responsibilities and available resources. Recognizing your emotions should not become another task you have to perform perfectly.
You can begin with one sentence: “In this situation, I think I may feel… and something that seems important to me is…” An approximate answer can be enough to begin reflecting.
If you would like to go further, learn about my online support services. A free 15-minute introductory call is an opportunity to discuss your situation and see whether we could work together.
About the author
Judy Turcotte, S.W., is a social worker who provides online psychosocial support to people aged 14 and over who live in Quebec. This article offers general information for educational and preventive purposes. It is not an assessment or advice tailored to an individual situation.
Sources and further reading
- Center for Nonviolent Communication. Feelings and Needs Inventory and The Purpose of Nonviolent Communication; the linked inventory is available in French.
- CIUSSS de la Capitale-Nationale, Aire ouverte. Mettre des mots sur ce qu’on ressent, ça fait toute la différence (in French).
- Canada School of Public Service. Exploring your emotions.
- Santé Québec. Mieux comprendre la santé mentale (in French).
Sources accessed October 23, 2026.